Routine
by BrittneyAnna
Summary: OneShot. My take on Susan's life after the train accident.


**Routine**

**Summary:**

My take on Susan's life after the train accident.

**Disclaimer:**

Don't own anything. What you don't recognize is mine.

xxx

_"She's in there again!"_

_"Again!" _

_"How many times is she going to do this?"_

_"Its been over _thirty years_ since the accident!" _

_"Is she _still _moping around about that!"_

_"Yes. She..."_

She could here them. Every word they said. They were talking about her. Again. She supposed, in a way, she could understand their scorn. But they couldn't understand her. They could never understand her. She guessed it was her fault. It was always her fight. Everything.

She sighed heavily.

She could remember it like it was yesterday. That Dark Day. When she got The News.

xxx

"...and then she said, 'But Allan I thought you said I was the most beautiful.'" The blonde hair beauty mocked. The crowd of pretty faces around her laughed.

"What happened then Amy?" a red-head asked. Before anymore could be said, however the doorbell rang.

"Oh that must be James!" A gorgeous black-head squealed. Jumping up among her giggling friends she rushed toward her front door. Opening it she was surprised to see, not her new boyfriend, but a solemn faced youth.

"Hello M'am. Is this the house of Miss Susan Pevensie?" He asked.

Susan straighten, "You are speaking to her." She replied cooly.

"This is for you Miss." With that he handed her a telegram and left. Curious Susan went back to the living room.

"Who is that from, Su?" someone asked.

"I don't know." She replied staring at it. Dread began to fill her.

"Well open it!" another one squealed. Susan did so. Reading it once. Twice. Three times before her head hit the floor and her entire life went black.

xxx

Susan wiped a tear from her cheek. Those harsh, cold, emotionless words was still imprinted in her mind. Forever. Endlessly repeating themselves over and over till she just wants to scream.

_To: Susan Pevensie_

_From: London Police_

_Miss Pevensie,_

_we are sorry to inform you that your family has been killed in a tragic train accident Monday 17 at 10:12 a.m. _

There was more to it. Telling her she needed to come back to London. To her old house to clean it before they evacuated it and sold it off. Funeral arragements were also written down. But she didn't recall any of that. She didn't recall any of the next three months. Not her cooing friends. Nor the piting glances from workers. Or the sutterting break-up between her and James. It was the Words. They just kept repeating.

_...your family has been killed..._

_...tragic..._

_...train accident..._

_...family has been killed..._

_...train..._

_...tragic..._

_...accident..._

_...family..._

_...killed..._

_...train accident..._

_...accident..._

_...family..._

_...killed..._

_...Monday 17 10:12 a.m..._

When her life spiraled out of control. Everything she loved gone. Like that. No good-bye. No farewell. No nothing. Tears ran freely down her cheeks. She'd had to sell nearly everything. Her apartment was to small to keep it all. Plus the cost of the funeral! She kept the family pictures, Lucy's stuffed lion (affectiontly named Aslan), Edmunda's writings on their adventures in Narnia, Peter's drawings of Narnia, Eustace's diary, Jill's self-made doll of Puddleglum the Marsh-wiggle, Aunt Polly's books of adventure and magic, and most important the Professor's wardrobe

Everything else Susan sold. The jewelry, the china dishes, anything of value she sold. Except the wardrobe.

Soon after her life became routine.

Wake up, get dressed, go to work with a smile, socialize at special events, do what is expected, come home, eat, shower, sleep. Every day the same thing.

She refused to marry.

Her friends found wealthy, good-looking men and had children. She never look at another after James. After The News.

She still celebrated their birthdays.

When it came around she visited their graves with their favorite flower and a cupcake with a candle on top. She didn't know what happened to the cupcake when she left. She didn't want to know. She liked to think they ate it in appreciation.

She chocked back a sob.

And every year on the anniversary of their death she'd crawl to the back of the wardrobe. Begging; pleading to see them one more time. Asking to return to Narnia. Wanting to be forgiven for ignoring Narnia for so many years.

Sometimes she'd talk to them. Nothing real big. But at times she'd just talk about her day. Or the times they had in Narnia. And at times she swears they've answered her.

When she really begin to feel bad she would, at times, find something that made her smile. She would always wonder afterwards how it got to where she found it. But would smile because she knew they were only helping her. At least she liked to think so.

During the day she was as bright as sunshine. In her dreams; at night they haunted her. She would catch a glimpse of Lucy running around the corner laughing. Peter doing some chore or other. Edmund reading a book. When she looked back or ran after them they always disappeared.

Susan sniffed.

Now here she was. Fourty-nine years old in the back of an old wardrobe, listening to old friends harsh words, and remincing about her life once was.

More tears fell.

"Please Aslan," She whispered. Covering her ears as her friends began to bang on the door. "I'm so sorry. Please forgive me. Please. Please Aslan. Let me return. Let me see my family again. Please. Please take me back. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Please. I'm sorry. I believe. I believe. I believe. Please."

xxx

"...may her soul rest in peace." The priest finished. The assembled group walked solemnly back to their cars.

"I don't get it," One elderly lady spoke. "Susan was in perfect health."

"I know, Judith. I know." another replied softly.

"It was strange," Amy spoke behind them. "When we finally got that wardrobe door open. Finding her at the back of the closet. Dead. I never expected. I...don't know how it happened."

"What I find funny," said James. "Is that she was smiling."

"Yes," a red-head spoke. "She was, wasn't she? I wonder why?"

"This is just one of those things we'll never know." Amy climbed into her car. The rest followed her example.

xxx

_"Come on Susan. Everyone's waiting on you!" _

_"I'm coming Peter," She laughed. "Wait up." _

_The two siblings quickly made their way to the beautiful castle of Cair Paravel. Walking through the doors of the Great Hall Susan saw everyone she ever truly loved. Her Narnian friends waving. Her parents crying. The Professor and Aunt Polly smiling. Eustace and Jill laughing. Peter and Edmund shoving each other playfully. Lucy impatiently jumping from one foot to the other. And Aslan. Walking majestically through the wooden doors. Laughing and smiling gently at everyone inside the Hall. Susan looked around her. At everyone she loved and smiled. _

_She was home. With her family. _

xxx

So tell me what you think.

BrittneyAnna out 


End file.
